Locked out

[The Arcade Fire - Crown of Love]

Stupid me got locked out twice tonight. It's not the embarrassment of waking the duty tutor up at 1:30 in the middle of the night but the fact that I had to wait outside my door like an absolute idiot. You know, I had enough of standing alone along a quiet corridor, smilling at people and waiting for the door to open. Just leaning against the wall, listening to the music that's playing beyond the door, and most importantly, waiting for that door to open. I hate it. But I did it, I done it. Fuck, what am I saying? You knock. Once. Twice. You hear the music playing from inside. You try to turn the knob but it just won't open. How shit is that? You pick up your phone and dialed. Doing whatever it takes to open that door. Whatever. But what if it remains shut? You're locked out of a world that you'd fought to enter, only to be locked out in the end. In life, there's no duty tutor to call, no key master to call, to open the door. Only the owner of the door can open it. Oh wait, maybe pasting a silly note, few post-its might open it. But yet in the morning, you have to leave. Face it. It's not your world. Not meant for you. Did I cheat my way through? Nope. Never. Everything was true. True from the bottom of my heart.

Please. Don't lock me out. Please.