Thursday, August 10, 2006

Identity crisis: The monster in me

Feeling | Like shit.
Listening | 张致陈 - 很想你
Thinking | About THE BOOK

沒人親像我
這呢軟心肝
你要離開我
目屎流未煞
不是我一時想未開
不是你對我無情意
只是心傷悲
對你的心總嘛是永遠無變卦
對你的情永遠是放在心肝
雖然孤單我嘛是甘願受拖磨
沒依沒偎攏是為著你啦

Believe it or not, I actually like this song. Yes, it's in Hokkien. What's so surprising? After all I'm quite beng right? WRONG. So much as I'm fine with being associated as that, I'm not exactly happy with myself. This is not how I envisioned myself to be when I was younger. But I should just be who I am right? Or should I be who I want to be? Man, now I'm confused. "Go with the flow" some might say. I don't know man. Maybe it's the hair, perhaps it's the color, or could it be how frequent I curse? Then again, it might be my smoking habits. Damn. I think it's every single damn thing. You know, I wasn't like that when I came over. Looking back, I certainly wasn't like that when I was in Mass Comm. But why now?! What was it that brought out this monster that I'd buried with the end of my secondary school life? Reflecting on myself, I feel that as a person, I have deteriorated over the past few months. Sometimes I feel that I'm forcing myself to self-destruct. It just like how I like to blast my Nano and not look when I cross the roads. I just want to bring myself to the lowest level a human being can go. "For what?" you might ask. I don't know either. All I hope is that all these will end when I finally get back on track. Till then, I'm a monster.

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