忘不了。。。

Mood | Angry
Listening | -
Thinking | of her and the times spent together

OKAY. APPARENTLY 1 MORE ANGRY SONG CAN'T CALM ME DOWN. I NEED TO BATHE! BUT I'M TOO ANGRY TO BATHE. I'M TOO ANGRY TO DO ANYTHING! ANGRY'S NOT EXACTLY THE WORD I'M LOOKING FOR BUT FUCK LAH, LET'S JUST STICK WITH IT FOR NOW.

I'M REALLY A DUMB IDIOT. I'M SO GOD-DAMN ANGRY AT MYSELF. SO ANGRY THAT IF NOT FOR THE FUCKING 3 DEGREES OUTSIDE, I'D DEFINITELY HAD GONE FOR A GOOD SPRINT.

WHY? NABEH...

WHY CAN'T I JUST LET GO? I KNOW I DON'T NEED ANOTHER TO LET GO BUT WHY CAN'T I LET GO?

I TELL YOU WHY.

CAUSE I FUCKING GAVE TOO MUCH. WAY TOO MUCH. 付出了太多，多到全部都收不回来了。(YES LAH, MY CHINESE SUCK OKAY?!) SO YES, THIS IS THE GIRL IN ME BITCHING. YOU THINK ALL THAT WAS NOTHING? WAS FAKE? WAS ALL A LIE? I GAVE EVERYTHING. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I CRIED FOR YOU? FUCK, I'D NEVER CRIED SO MANY TIMES FOR A GIRL BEFORE OKAY?! NOT EVEN IRIS. AND THE THINGS I HAD TO GO THROUGH WHILE FIGHTING THAT LOSING BATTLE. AND DON’T YOU SAY IT’S YOUR FAULT BECAUSE IT'S NOT AND NEVER IS YOUR FAULT (WHICH IS WHY I'M ANGRY AT MYSELF). I'M JUST ANGRY WHY I GAVE SO MUCH. YOU THINK ALL THOSE TIMES WE SPENT WERE NOTHING JUST BECAUSE I'M A GUY MEH? DON'T EVEN TALK ABOUT YOUR ROOM OKAY. I HAVE DIFFICULTY TAKING ANY STUPID ACTION BUS HERE. I HAVE DIFFICULTY SHOPPING IN COUNTRY ROAD (KAO! I CAN’T EVEN LOOK AT CLOTHES FOR MY SIS BECAUSE THERE WILL BE PIECES BOUND TO REMIND ME OF YOU) AND BELCONNEN, THE WORST OF ALL. I ACTUALLY DREAD GOING TO BELCONNEN THAT IT’S GOING TO BE QUITE A WHILE BEFORE I GO THERE AGAIN. THE LAST TIME I WENT AND THE SHOPS WERE CLOSED AND IT’S UBER SAD OKAY! TELL ME, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MOVE ON? *SNAP* JUST LIKE THAT? CHRIST, I CAN'T EVEN FORGET YOUR SMELL!

SO WHY? WHY DID I FUCKED IT UP?

WHY WASN'T I THINKING LIKE MY USUAL SELF WHEN YOU BROKE THE NEWS TO ME? WHY WASN'T I THERE WHEN YOU NEEDED SOMEONE THE MOST? WHY DID I NOT THINK THAT IT'D HURT YOU? WHY? WHY WASN'T I SENSITIVE ENOUGH? JUST WHEN THE TIME COMES FOR ME TO UTILISE MY STRENGTH, WHY DID I CHOOSE TO ULTILISE MY RAIONALISM? WHY? WHY AM I THE ONE WHO SCREWED IT UP? WHY DID I RUIN EVERY SINGLE BLOODY LAST GLIMMER OF HOPE? WHY?

I'M SO ANGRY WITH MYSELF. I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF I’D EVER POST THIS UP. A PART OF ME DOESN’T WANT YOU TO SEE THIS YET THE OTHER PART THINKS OTHERWISE. I CANNOT AFFORD TO GO “DEEPER” INTO YOUR BLACK BOOK. I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO FORGIVE MYSELF. SO YAH, I’M STILL FUCKING PISSED AT ALL THE REASONS I’D STATED.

No... Wait.

I'm just angry why you don't love me because I still love you, a lot and, nothing in this world can turn back time. And even if there is, I know, you’d never want us to meet.